


with you

by halseys



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M, PTSD, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-04 01:08:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17888669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halseys/pseuds/halseys
Summary: it’s the crash of glass bottles being thrown into the recycling that gets him at first. the smashing noise reminding him of the windows shattering his nearby truck. he closes his eyes for second and he’s back there, one step away from an iod.or, alex has a panic attack





	with you

**Author's Note:**

> my first attempt in this fandom.  
> please be kind.
> 
> title thoughts from ‘with you’ by avril- i thought it was appropriate

it’s the crash of glass bottles being thrown into the recycling that gets him at first. the smashing noise reminding him of the windows shattering his nearby truck. he closes his eyes for second and he’s back there, one step away from an ied.

its only a moment later, and reality returns. he’s sat at the bar stool of a bar in his hometown. he’s safe, but he’s heart rate is pulsing a little higher now. 

it’s as he’s leaving, and the door slams hard behind him. it makes his ears ring for a moment and it’s almost as if he can feel the dirt beneath his fingertips like he did that day. it brings a sweat to his forehead.

he gets a phantom pain in his lower leg that makes him stumble. maria giggles at his actions, thinking it’s one beer too many, only for her eyes to catch his and the look on his face becomes unreadable. 

she’s looking at him with wide eyes now. she’s noticed something isn’t right, but she can’t seem to place together what. alex feels like he’s drank poison, something is stopping his movements and stopping his brain functioning. all he can feel is panic. he can’t breathe, and his chest is heaving.

maria leans him against the door, but it’s more of a shuffle due to her petite frame. alex slides his back down the surface until he reaches the floor.

”alex?” maria’s voice is shaking, “are you okay?” 

“c-can’t - br-brea -the,” he gasps, putting his head between his legs, trying to get air into his lungs.

“what do you need?” 

_to be home, to be safe._

“m- _michael_ ,” his brain supplies, and maria’s mind short circuits for a moment, because she’d never heard alex call guerin his real name before. and why in his weakest moment, would alex want michael?

”you need michael? guerin?” she has to check. it doesn’t sound right, and it makes her frown. maria thinks for a second maybe michael _caused_ this, and alex was confused. 

”ple-ase, i need- him,” he whimpers, throwing his head back, hoping to level his breathing.

”o-okay,” she  understands and fumbles for her phone in her pocket, her hands shaking as she dials guerin’s number.

”little late for you to be callin’...after a good time deluca?” he answers, and she knows he’s got a smirk on her face.

”it’s alex, he needs you,” she ignores his question, hoping the seriousness of what’s going on comes across to the other man.

”why? what’s happened?” he drops the snarky act immediately, concern in his voice.

”we’re at the bar. i don’t know- i think he’s having a panic attack. he wants you.”

”put me on loudspeaker,” she does as he requests, “alex? it’s me. can you hear me?”

”y-yeah,” he stutters, his voice showing his breathlessness. alex’s hand is clasping his chest.

”i’m on my way, but i’m gonna need you to breathe until i can get to you, okay?” 

“i-i can’t,” he knows he’s building tears in his eyes. he’s outside but he feels as if the world is closing in.

”you can alex,” maria can hear michael slamming the door of his truck and starting the engine. his voice is confident and reassuring, she wonders if this is the first time he’d come to alex’s rescue, “of course you can. you’re the strongest person i know. you’ve got this. breathe in,” alex takes a deep breath in, “and out,” alex takes a deep breath out, “keep going. i’m so close, i promise.”

maria runs through the breathing too, ensuring to keep a hand on alex’s arm. she’s hoping she’s keeping him centred to this reality rather than drifting to another world.

”in, and out,” michael repeats.

it’s only a couple of minutes before michael arrives, stumbling out of his truck like a bewildered deer. his eyes are wide and his curls are a mess.

”alex,” he mutters, taking the other man into his arms, “it’s okay.”

maria takes a step back. she knows she’s intruding something private that she wasn’t supposed to be privy to. 

“michael,” alex whimpers. he’s sobbing now, and tucking his head into the crook of michael’s neck, “i’m scared,” he whispers.

”you don’t need to be scared. i’m here.”

”thank you,” his breathing seems to be levelling out and calming down. he’s taking shallow, shaky breaths to recover his usual pattern and appreciated the solid support of michael at his side. 

“you alright?” michael brings his hand to push alex’s hair back. it’s slightly damp under his fingers. 

“y-yeah. sorry,” alex blushes, feeling embarrassed about his episode.

”don’t be sorry. never be sorry for how you feel,” michael clenches his jaw. alex had to know he wasn’t weak. michael had never seen the beautiful boy as weak, not at seventeen or twenty seven, “do- do you wanna come with me?” guerin seems a little hesitant to ask. it reminds alex that the last time he saw michael, he’d rejected him.

”yes, _please_ ,” michael nods and lifts himself up before offering a hand to alex. he’s takes it and michael pulls him to his feet gently. 

“you’re okay to look after him?” maria, who’d been keeping quiet in the background, speaks up. michael nods at her, confirming he had everything under control.

”thank you,” alex mutters.

”call me tomorrow, yeah?”

”promise,” he nods, knowing he’ll have a lot to explain in the morning by the look on her face. the two men watch as she slides into the drivers seat of her car. they follow suit, michael helping alex up, and opening the door to allow alex inside the truck. michael notices alex still has shaking hands.

michael squeezes his knee as a comfort, and alex offers a weak smile.

”do you want me to take you home, or do you want to stay at mine?”

”can you take me home?” alex’s voice sounds quiet and he’s got his arms wrapped around himself. michael nods, but he can’t help the disappointment settling in his stomach. 

“sure.”

”and will you stay with me?” michael meets alex’s eyes and only sees pure trust reflected back. he needs him.

”of course,” he whispers.

he’d stay forever if alex asked him to.


End file.
